The Philosophy of Dr. John Gray in real-world action ...
My name is Kimberly and I was recently hired to write the Mars and Venus Relationship Blog. I had a fantastic creative meeting with CEO of marsandvenus.com, Rich Bernstein, as well as his IT guru, John. We brainstormed and I was given my assignments due the next Friday.
I was absolutely thrilled to be learn that I would be writing about relationships and how the different chemistry between men and women affect all facets of life. I love research, anecdotes, statistics, trivia, quotes, bullet points etc. With my writing and marketing background, I was really going to impress them and pull out all the stops.
I was given a copy of "Why Mars and Venus Collide" by best-selling author, Dr. John Gray. As well as access to various workshop presentations on how to use science and the Mars and Venus principles to communicate better and achieve goals more effectively.
The next day, I piled up my pillows, filled my Big Gulp with Diet Coke and extra ice, and snuggled into my writing position to start research using the book and by accessing some of the online workshops.
And then the phone rang. One of those ominous, life-changing rings. I answered to find out that my father had had a heart attack and was in the hospital. Three days and a battery of tests later, he was given instructions, medication and brought home - only to pass out an hour later and sent back again. After his second visit to the hospital, I decided to stay with my father 24/7 to make sure he didn't have any more mishaps.
Throughout this whole ordeal, I would send updates to Rich letting him know about my father's condition and warning him that I might not make my deadline. I was so happy and honored to be chosen for this position, that I didn't want him to be disappointed in me. So I sent him a message every chance I could to let him know what was going on.
After a couple detailed emails from me, he simply replied that it was fine and that family came first. Of course I kept updating him, and eventually, he stopped replying. This sent me into a tailspin of worry.
Luckily, I chose a workshop about stress in the workplace and the difference between the ways that men and women process it. Women tend to want to talk more, which produces oxytocin to help soothe them. While stressed men produce testosterone. This makes them either want to solve the problem immediately; or if unsolvable, put a pin in it and move on. Rehashing the same issue 27 different ways causes men to stress more and finally they shut down.
Dr. Gray's advice for women in this situation (my situation) was to come quickly to the point. Forget updates. Just say what needs to be said then stop. I decided to take his advice to heart.
So, instead of sending Rich a paragraph summarizing my Dad's pharmacology and MRI results. I forced myself to pare down my message to a very simple:
"Is it okay if we reschedule our meeting to next Friday?"
He replied, "That's fine."
With just two words, a week of worry was whisked away. That, my friends, is the philosophy of Dr. John Gray in real-world action.
By Kimberly Coon
Copyright June 30, 2014
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